Just when you think you have a plan....

So, I've been talking to our adoption agency (who never knew I had cancer during the Russia visits last time) and things have been going along smoothly until someone mentions the in-country medical exam. Seems that with the new regs in Russia, they want 8 (yes, 8) doctors in Russia to exam the adoptive PARENTS. Oh, going to be kinda hard to hide the big scars on my chest. So I've deliberated for a while what to do until the massive I'm-not-Catholic-but-I-have-Catholic-guilt guilt won. I knew I had to tell now, having only paid $200 and not fallen in love with a kid than wait and hope they didn't do a thorough exam in Russia. I called it my "voice mail confessional." Kinda spewed "I'm so sorry but I just wanted another child and I'm sorry I wasn't honest and I knew this messes things up" and on and on..... So what it boils down to is Russia prefers to wait 5 years before a couple with cancer adopts a child. Mine has been barely 3 years since diagnosis. So where we are right now is waiting for my oncologist to write a really positive letter including my life expectancy! That should be interesting to read. Maybe, just maybe, Russia will let us adopt. Another adoptive friend said today even if they allow us, the judge in-country may give us a hard time. So, leaning toward domestic adoption right now. Kinda waiting to see what we are supposed to do! I really just need a goal and I'll be happy working on the plan.